32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
