Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
