do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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