Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
