Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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