Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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