I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
