Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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