I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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