I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dignity is for republicans.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
