Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
