The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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