i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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