are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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