i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
