i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
