Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
