I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
