Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How does one acquire holy water?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
