shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
