The maid of honor just puked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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