I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
