Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
