He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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