PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Randomize
