I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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