Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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