Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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