You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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