How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
