we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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