Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
