Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
