Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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