porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
