Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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