I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
