What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
