listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
