shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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