just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
