oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
