Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize