I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
