So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
