just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
