i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
