dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
