This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize