Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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