Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
