bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
