The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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