So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
