first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
