those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
