OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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