Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
