Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
