Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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