I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
