All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
