A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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