At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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