Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
