I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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