your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
