wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
