i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
