I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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