i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
