The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Small penises have feelings too.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
