my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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